I didn’t understand it when I was younger, the way my mother would allow people to walk over her. Well at least that is the way that it seemed.
Her silence and refusal to respond when (in my estimation) people were just downright awful was most annoying to me!
“Me a leave them to time” she would tell me or, “Me a leave them to God” she would share quietly in the small bedroom where we lived.
Both responses aggravated me.
There were times when I wanted her to curse her offenders. I wanted her to stand up for herself, chip a bad wud or two but most times she never retaliated if ever at all.
This resulted in the creation of a kind of combativeness in me as a child. I looked on and resolved in my heart that there were some things that I would not accept from people. I would not allow them to treat me as if I was inferior. I would not allow them to talk bad to me no matter what.
I was going to ensure that I did not give away my power like she did.
I carried this attitude into my teenage years. Without it I figured I would be treated unfairly and people would push me around. I did not want to be weak so I adorned a kind of toughness in order to get by.
I moved away from home at a young age to live in an unfamiliar environment and I found this approach to be useful. If someone treated me unfairly I lashed out and spoke my mind. I did not want my voice to be stolen. I did not want my freedom of expression to be suppressed because of what I did or did not have.
Still, there were times when circumstances presented themselves and I could not fight (at least not in the way I wanted to). It was in these moments that I began to learn that there was a kind of power in my mother’s approach.
Things would happen and instead of cursing I would retreat to a quiet space. Sometimes I cried in my bedroom in the dead of night or wee hours of the mornings. In my mind I rolled over things that had happened in my day, what someone said or did and how it made me feel. And I would just cry or write about it.
This continued in my young adult life and even more when I began to seek after a relationship with God. It was at that period really that I believe my approach really shifted. Instead of seeking to fight and lash out and respond to every little thing I began talking to God. I would speak to him as a child would speak to a Father. I spoke to him about my concerns and how I felt. When I could not speak I cried.
Sometimes I really had no words and so in the silence of night my spirit would groan, the kind of groaning that only He understood.
God does not want you to fight everything. Some battles are His.
In those moments and now when I look back I realise that God became a kind of vindicator for me. Though there were times when I really needed to stand up for myself and confront others I learnt that there were some things that He wanted me to leave to Him.
I learnt that there was a kind of power in doing that; in stepping aside, admitting my weakness in a particular situation and saying, ‘Lord, I don’t know what to do, this hurts, please help me…’
I also learnt that not only did He hear my words but that the tears I cried out before Him were valued. He responded to all of those tears.
My mother said, ‘leave it to God, leave it to time’ and I didn’t understand it then. But now when I look back on my life’s journey so far I see how magnificently God has worked things out. At times my vindication came in the form of good success. He did not cause me to be put to shame or to suffer and favoured me in the sight of those who may have put me down.
Sometimes that is just how He works.
There is power in taking your helplessness to God. There is nothing that He cannot do and I have seen so much evidence of that in my own life.
Perhaps there is something that is bugging you that He wants you to take to Him. Perhaps you are facing oppression at work, at home or even within your church and it is not on account of something that you have done wrong. Yes, you are innocent, He knows it!
Whatever it is, bring it to Him in prayer. Cry out to Him with confidence that He hears you and He will offer vindication. You may have already done this and it seems as if nothing has happened or is happening. Don’t worry, you have absolutely no clue what may be happening beneath the scenes and how God is shifting things around in your favour.
Who is better to fight on your behalf but Him?
In time you will see evidence of His handiwork in your life.
[photo credits: 1. normansennema.com 2. awordywoman.com]
Fun Facts about the Author: Sandie Heron resides in Jamaica with her Sister Roxanne. She is the founder of the webpage www.ourevidence.com and works as a conveyance Paralegal at a Real Estate Law Firm in Kingston, Jamaica.]
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