There I was again, living with my mother and younger sibling in Seaview Gardens. Only a few months before my older Sister had taken me back there after I had lived with her for over 2 years.
The financial responsibilities were too much for her, i suppose.
It was so hard for me to re-adjust to everything. It seemed impossible really.
My mind was buzzing with dreams but nothing around me lined up with what I felt.
I spent hours locked in my imagination.
It was painful to even think that I would not accomplish all that I saw in my mind and felt deeply in my heart.
There seemed to be no escape but I resolved in my mind that I had to get out. I just had to.
I thought about a foster home.
What would I have to do to get there (any option seemed better than continuing to live where I was at the time) but I soon abandoned that option after a visit to the Police Station in the community.
“What would I have to do to go to a Home?” I asked the Police Officer who I saw seated behind a long counter with a really big book.
“You would have to be a bad child” he told me.
After we chatted a little I realized I was not “bad” enough. The only real problem I had at that time was that I talked too much – was a little too opinionated which got my Mother into a fizzy at times but it was not enough for the Police to take me away to a home.
Perhaps I needed to call the Homes myself, I thought.
So about a week later I packed a little bag. I had no plans to return. I was going to search the Directory and call the Foster Homes myself and they would surely tell me to come.
Boy, was I wrong!
When I got to the office where I was working a few weeks for the summer, I locked myself in a room and called a Girls Home.
“Can I come there?” I asked the woman who picked up the line. I tried to explain what was going on.
“Why yuh waah leff yuh madda likkle gyal!?” and that was the start of a fine line of cussing.
I was at my wits end. I felt as if I was losing my mind. To be comforted I would grab a book and pen and I would just write – I would write about – everything.
Back at school weeks (maybe months) later I decided to take the bus to half way tree with a group of students who were a part of the Tourism Action Club. I had been in the club for a while.
Going to half way tree was not my regular route but on that day for some reason I went in that direction. At the Portmore bus stop I stood with them, we were all standing as if in a circle and the summer sun was high on our backs.
“Can I come live with one of you!?” I asked matter-of-factly.
One person responded first. She was the President of the Club. She was not sure if her mother would say yes.
Within minutes another student answered with perhaps too much enthusiasm, “Yea, you can come live with me! I’ll ask my mother!”
I went home feeling hopeful. I was going to move! My life was going to get better from this point forward! Things won’t be bad anymore! I will leave this place!
I never did get a chance to speak to her mother, neither did my mother get a “chance” to speak with her mother before I got there but I surely did move.
I boarded a bus at 3 miles and travelled according to the directions I was given – embarking on a path that would take me to where I am today.
This is just a part of my story – certainly not told in an effort to celebrate children who run away from home, I do know that there are many who leave their Parents and end up in some really terrible situations.
I tell it because it is just what was brought back to my memory sometime last week after I was asked to do the meditation at Church. I thought about doing the meditation on Genesis 12:1 when the memory of this life event came back to me.
Genesis 12:1 “Get you out of your country, and from your kindred, and from your Father’s house unto a land that I will show you.“
In this chapter the Lord was telling Abram (later Abraham) to leave his country, his family and go to a new place, a new dwelling/home that he would show him.
Abraham was being asked to give up everything that he knew and certainly everything that he loved on the basis of a mere promise from God.
He didn’t have the full details.
He didn’t know how it would work out except the Lord was saying to him, “And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great and you shall be a blessing.” (Verse 2)
How could he move on that alone? What evidence did he have that everything would be ok?
I mean who does that? Who just gets up and move out of their comfort zone without some guarantee, a map of action to tell them exactly how things will turn out?
People of faith do.
Back then I didn’t know that my moving from the place I knew to a new land was an act of faith. In my thoughts and in my heart I just sincerely believed that everything would get better; that life would be better, that my dreams would come through, that I would finish my education (which I wanted more than anything).
I have been the recipient of tremendous favour over the years, up to this day. Sometimes I look back and I wonder why, what did I ever do to deserve it all? But as I have made steps in faith – God has forever been faithful to me.
I thought about writing this and perhaps it is coming for someone who needs to step out in faith.
I don’t know what that move is that you need to make; whether a business you need to start, maybe a step into a new career path or a new course of study, maybe a step into a new relationship or maybe it is a step to surrender your life to God and seek after Him.
It would mean giving up on so many things that you have grown accustomed to. What will your friends think? What will you wear? How will you go without sex? You don’t want to do it and then turn back…
Well – do it as your act of faith.
I had those questions too.
Big decisions are never ever easy to make but they are so very important.
When we continue to read the story of Abraham we see how tremendously blessed he was after making that step. He only needed to listen to the voice of God and go in the land (or path, or area, or direction) where He was leading him. Out of Abraham flowed blessings upon blessings upon blessings. He became the father of many – had a great name. Out of him was made a great nation. He was blessed and he was a blessing just as God promised him. However, he would not have received any of this had he not followed the path that God was leading him on.
What is God leading you to do?
What has He laid on your heart?
What are the promptings that spring up from your belly?
What prophesy or prophesies were you given?
What promise has the Lord given to you that you have just been too afraid to reach out and claim?
How much more confirmation do you need?
Like Abraham we can all move on the promises that God has given to us. We don’t need to know exactly what lies ahead in the journey we just need to be willing to start with Him. Like Abraham He won’t fail. He has never failed and I don’t believe He is getting ready to start a failed report with you. He is not like man that He should lie so rest assured that whatever He has promised to you surely will come to pass.
Today, I implore you to just choose to believe Him. Choose to trust Him at His word. Don’t let the time go by and you end up looking back wondering ‘what if?’ ‘what if I had decided to go when I felt His leading?’
Today you have that option – to “Go” – Go knowing that He who has promised is faithful to bring everything to pass.
[photo credit: nascentdigitalpress.com]