They Dont Get It

I went through a very rough time during last season (that year 2015). Some crazy things were happening in my life; at work, at home, at Church and in my core relationships.

So many things were shifting and I had this feeling like, everything was pulling up.

It was such a lonely period too. Many days of crying. Many times of just wondering, “what the hell is going on!?”

At times I reached out to close friends. I tried to open up and express what I was going through. In response I got a lot of, “it’s going to be ok babe” along with sympathetic stares and at times a blank look.

Others responded, “this is not the Sandie that I know”. Those responses were painful and disappointing as I almost felt as if I needed to apologize for feeling down.

I was not my usual bubbly, driven and optimistic self, and they saw it. I did not feel ok and was not coping very well with everything that was going on but in the midst of my vulnerability I felt as if it were better I had kept silent.

I felt so weak and alone.

No one seemed to understand what was happening. Even if they said they understood, I sensed that they didn’t – they just could not relate.

It is like that sometimes.

There are some seasons that you go through that will feel quite lonely. You may reach out to others but few people will be able to truly understand if they have never had your experience(s).  

Don’t be angry or bitter or blame them if they don’t seem to get it. They can’t get it if they have never walked your path or stood in your shoes.

Life has some interesting twists. You may just be surprised to find that some of the people who were indifferent or said hurtful things while you went through your challenging seasons are some of the same who will find themselves going through their own in another. Likewise, don’t be surprised if you find yourself also experiencing what another person had to go through some months or years ago.

Life sometimes gives us the experiences that enables us to relate to what another person is going through. At times it is only then that compassion is birth in some of us.

This year two of my friends confessed that they didn’t understand what I was going through. Though they heard me and showed care, they didn’t really get it. Now as they go through their own struggles, they have started to understand and chose to apologize.

It made me realize that we have to be mindful of who we reach out to during difficult seasons. Sometimes in the midst of the confusion God will strategically send someone who has had or is having a similar experience and that person will be able to help us to work out how we are feeling and what we are going through.

You will not find that person in everyone and there are moments when you will be forced to stand and go through alone.  

During those moments of aloneness, you can rest in prayer. Interestingly, it is during the most difficult moments that I found myself praying more than before. When friends failed and some seemed to prefer that I keep a façade, I opened myself more to God.  I learnt in those moments that He is truly a God who is touched by our feelings or weaknesses and a broken spirit and contrite heart, he does not despise.

He truly gets it more than any friend can. Sometimes He wants us to turn to Him before we seek refuge in another person and to lean on Him for divine wisdom and direction.  

[photo credit: 123rf.com]

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